Storyline

Jonathon Cold is a freelance agent hired by a mysterious man to deliver a package from France to Germany. The contents of the package remain undisclosed, even between employer and employee, but whatever it contains seems to be attracting a swarm of political corruption, backstabbing bad guys and murder. However, Cold knows he must stay one step ahead of the evil powers at work, whoever they are, no matter what the cost, as it increasingly becomes a game of step on or be stepped on.—davidgraham83@hotmail.com

Plot Keywords

title spoken by character, hand to hand combat, punched in the face, wisecrack humor, one man army, machine gun, action hero, silencer, bomb, sniper rifle, brutality, car chase, blood, sole black character dies cliche, ak 47, pistol, shootout, chase, first of series, violence

Short Review

If there's one thing a Seagal film should never be, it's talkative and ponderous. Steven Seagal is an actor with no range or was even good at the pigeonholes the action genre placed him in at the height of his career (Late 80's to mid-90's). If it weren't for his fight scenes (At least, back when he still gave a modicum of a fuck to at least put effort into his fight scenes and being fit), you could easily replace him with a potted plant and there would be no difference. Hell, not even the dialogue would be a problem, given his general tendency to mumble his lines to the point of being nearly inaudible.He is not one of those actors who can engage me in almost anything they're in, like say, Nicolas Cage. Even when he's in a misfire, he can still be weirdly interesting to watch (Except for the 2014 Left Behind. That film manages the impressive task of not using Cage in any capacity despite him being in a lead role. It's not even a fascinating kind of terrible like the remake of The Wicker Man). When Cage is at the height of his powers, he can be glorious in any genre. He can make me laugh and hit me hard with emotion such as Adaptation and the criminally underrated 2005 film, The Weather Man. His trademark craziness can reach dizzying heights such as the action/horror fever dream that is Mandy, which managed to effectively channel his madness. He can also be a damn fine action star, as evidenced by The Rock and Con Air. He has impressive range when he is given the right material to work with. These days, it's becoming rarer to see him using his talents, but nonetheless, he's still worth watching most of the time.Steven Seagal has no such star power. He's a relic of a bygone era and not even a top tier relic like fellow action stars like Sylvester Stallone, Kurt Russell, and Bruce Willis. Viewers only came to watch him beat up people and only stayed because he had quality directors behind the camera and skilled editors who created such polished, popcorn-munching action scenes. Once he slipped into the realm of straight-to-video/DVD, there wasn't much of a reason for anyone to stick around aside from his dwindling fanbase and purveyors of trash like myself.But, for whatever reason, occasionally his trashy brand of action films do occasionally stir my interests as someone who has enjoyed many, many, many, many poorly-reviewed action films (Anyone up for Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever? I actually like that dumbass film and have watched it multiple times. Maybe you'd like some Andy Sidaris films instead?) Sometimes, the stars align and we get a dopey good time that either showcase when he could do terrific fight scenes or at least give us, the viewer, some unintentional comedy gold (Today You Die, for example. My personal favorite of his films I've seen so far).However, with his films, they are very hit-or-miss in these expected departments of trashy entertainment. You're either in for a dopey good time or in for a tedious, drawn out misfire. The Foreigner falls in the latter category.Jonathan Cold is a freelance agent who is recruited to deliver a mysterious package from France to Germany. Jonathan is hesitant to take on this assignment, as are the requirements of genre cliches, and soon finds himself double-crossed with many people trying to kill him and get their hands on this package. He goes on a a journey of killing, mumbling his lines, and more killing as he goes higher up the ladder to see just how far this conspiracy goes and what the hell this package even contains. Blah, blah, blah, blah. You know the drill.Not only is the plot cliched, it is also way too talkative for its own good, and also very confusing to follow (Not that you'll care, due to the boredom). It is very drawn out and ponderous, like some sort of bad attempt at a slow burn thriller. Imagine if you took a bottom of the barrel Seagal film and combined it with a poor imitation of Brian DePalma and Alfred Hitchcock films. That's what this film's plot feels like...and it is not a pleasant or even funny bad kind of combo (Unlike Today You Die, which was like Seagal trying to imitate the 1972 version of The Getaway, Robin Hood, and an urban film, leading to hilarity that bordered on being an Airplane!-style parody of his acting career). There's even a femme fatale thrown in for good measure, like a bad imitation of Basic Instinct (Plus no trashy sex scenes and nudity, either. So, no go on that front, too).No matter how many killings took place, double crossings, plot twists, or whatever else occurred, there was no reason to care or have any particular interest in the plot.Okay, so the plot is shit. What else is new with Seagal films? Is the action any good? No. Sure, it's not as terrible as Against the Dark, but it takes no real effort to be better than that film. This one finds itself on the same footing as Half Past Dead. Even when Seagal's one-note character has action scenes, they are dull as can be. Fight scenes are poorly shot, poorly choreographed, and performed with as much enthusiasm as someone having to fill out their taxes. I'm someone who enjoyed the Seagal films, On Deadly Ground, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory, and The Patriot (1998)...and I still found the action boring. That is quite the accomplishment to bore someone like me when it comes to action films.I'm not going to even bother talking about the acting. If you've seen his straight-to-video/DVD filmography in any capacity, you know what level to expect.The Foreigner is a terrible, dull action/thriller. Worst of all, it's not even a funny bad sort of film. It's just plain terrible and one of the many blights of its star's filmography. It's also a forgettable film. You have more enjoyably bad films to search for if you're in need of a Seagal fix every now and then.

Trailer

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